That Time of the Month

It was the time of the month. And pain was anticipated, as usual. The me when to the work as usual. Slight discomfort but still bearable. Few hours later, I had to swallow my words. The pain's intensity increased and the me started to sweat, cold sweats.

I knew where that discomfort would get me. Learning from previous 'blackout' epsisode, the me decided to head back to the hostel, to the comfort of the bed.

And yeah, I literally crawled back to the hostel.

After popping painkillers and consumed a glass of hot ginger tea,the me climbed into bed and burried myself among my pillows and blanket.

*dejavu feeling*

Was it just 2 years back when I was in a similar situation but with the musketeers with me?

It happened in the lab too. I remembered how they accompanied me to the clinic then back to my room and after that came over to check at me again.

At that moment, I really really miss them. Uni has never been the same without them, ever.

Yours truly was in pain, lack of company and really craving for some source of comfort. Which isn't exactly me. Since the me has always been quite independent.

The lion not being around didn't help much either. In fact it made matters worse.

The next day when the lion came back into range, the me broke down over the phone. I was missing my besties THAT much. ;(

Hello June! xD

I've not being very hardworking in updating my blog. To be honest, most of the time, I write but I chickened out and the draft remained kept in the draft section. Sometimes I felt that what I wrote was a little tad too private. And posting it on my blog make me feel naked. Vulnerable. Like a de-skined chicken. Lol. 

It's June. We're practically halfway through the year 2014. I felt that I need to do some sort of a review of my half year. Like how companies review the performance of the employee. Like how students have their first semester exams. I'm not working and I'm a student who do not have exams. Therefore, I shall review myself. Lol. 

*warning, it might be a little biased* LOL. 

First, how bout a little review of my current research?
I started off 2014 with a little sour note on my research. I did A LOT of experiments. But none came out a success. It was only somewhere at the end of February I managed to *cough* out some results which is usable. 

After that I had been struggling with the writing part.
#realizedwritingissomuchharderthanexperimentalwork
And I'm still struggling with it.
Nevertheless, I finished writing a conference paper. And currently working on my manuscript for publication. By standards,the later is much harder.
The are soooo many graphs to be plotted and analyzed. The later part is causing much confusion too. #midnightgraphwoes
But I really really wanna write well, so I'm still working on it. 

I have two more characterizations to do for this project. 

So for June, I hope to able to finish them up and get good results for those characterizations. And ideas for new project, please come to meeeeee... Lol. 

Next, about my erm, love life. hahahahaha... 

Not exactly one topic I discussed openly very much here. 

Well, the Lion is a very much reserved person. Don't talk much. Don't smile much. How in the world did I get into a relationship with him is still much of a mystery to myself. But over the months we've been together he has changed quite a bit too. 

He knows how to smile now. Lol. But erm, much improvement is still needed in the talking department. xP
But I think I've learnt a bit more about him.
Something I realized about relationship. While it's good to have someone to be there for you; lend you a shoulder when you cry;listen to you when you complain;encouraged you when you face obstacles;shower you with attention, love and care all the time, the bad part is I feel like I've started to be more dependent on him.
Where did the independent me went??? Hiding behind a tortoise shell? @.@
I'm still much pretty myself. Being able to function properly without him, going on with my usual life and doing what I'm supposed to do. But I've started to feel more attached. Like how I feel attached to my Bubble.
Good or not? I'm not sure. Let's see how much thing really goes.

Conclusion of review.
The me should work harderrrr. Haha.
Not entirely satisfied with my performance (for work) but I'm only human. There should be some rooms for improvements that exist.

Month of June, please be niceeee to meeee. xD I can't wait to end you happily. And I'll work harder to end you properly. Lol. Step 1, burn midnight oil on 1st June for manuscript writing. Haha. 

Of Airport and Relationship

It's 2.22 am. I'm cold. I'm alone in the airport. And the most important thing is, I can't sleep.

I used to be soooo good in sleeping. Especially during journeys. In buses, cars, planes. But today, I didn't.*wails* That's kinda a first time for me. Miserable first time though. But still, I think it deserves a mention in my blog post. Lol.

After sitting on the bench looking around pointlessly, I ended up taking out my lappie. I decided to write something. It has been awhile since I really wrote anything personal in my blog. Perhaps I still can't over the anxiety of putting out my personal life in public.

I dunno what to write actually.

Listening to Tim Ellis's "Eternally Yours" , perhaps I would talk about relationships.

For the longest time I could remember, this had been and still is the most interesting topic among my friends. We're always curious about what's going on with who and who, who's together with who. That was how it was in high school and it didn't differ much when I went to uni. Only the stories got more interesting. Lol.

Only I wasn't in one. And it didn't occur to me that I would be in one at a time like this. Simply because I'm still studying. My biggest reason would be I myself doesn't know where I would settle down or even when I will end up studying, how can involve another in my unstable life? I don't even know whether I'll be jobless when I graduate from graduate school. Lol.

Little did I know, certain things aren't in my control.

I got to know L when I was undergoing industrial training. He worked at the Production department and I got to do a brief stint of training at production department. He was the very first member of the production department that I got to know on my first day there.

The very heavy rain on the day that was supposed to be my last day in production turned everything around. It was raining very heavily, I couldn't take the bus and I had no other mean of transport. I was feeling very helpless because I didn't know how could I go home.At that time he offered to send me home.

After that one time, he continued to send me home everyday for the rest of my industrial training period. I was kinda amazed with his persistent. Lol.

L is the complete opposite of me. We have a huge age gap, different race and different religion. He's super quiet. And I guess he is the most good tempered person I've ever met. And I'm not exactly the easiest person to live with.

Perhaps it's due to all these "opposite-ness" that I accepted him. It's always calm with him and I can complain and talk as much as I want (he enjoy listening me talk or so he says.LOL.). But his quietness makes him a little hard to understand. He veryyy seldom talk about himself. So I had to figure out my own way to understand him

Things aren't smooth sailing as always. I was never in a relationship, I didn't know how to make a relationship work. Many times in the first few months of our relationship, I thought of giving up. I thought of telling him that we wouldn't work out and we should just let go. Somehow, I never. But I won't deny the thought crossed my mind, several times.

Graduate school had been a rocky journey as well. I was new, there weren't any seniors around to help me out and I was scared of my research not working out. For the first few months when my experiments failed, I would return to the hostel, climbed into my bed and bawl my eyes out. Whenever I got pissed off with anyone, most of the times,I end up in tears too. He had been there most of times, staying by the phone while I cried my eyes out.

He always the one who's treating me very nicely.Except now, coz I'm alone and freezing in the airport. He's in dreamland at home. So unfair. And according to a beloved Butt, I'm not that nice to him. Lol.

Till now, I'm not sure if this will ever work out for me or for him. But so far, I'm glad he came into my life. Together with my musketeer friends, they are my pillar of life. I know I can count by them.

Even if in the future, our relationship doesn't not work out, I hope that this post will serve as a reminder to me on the wonderful people that came into my life. :)