We begin to think more and in different perspectives as we age. We begin to learn to put a mask to hide the emotions contained in us. We begin to build a wall so as to avoid the hurt that might occur.
Sometimes, one will wonder, where did all the innocent times went?
When making friends were as simple as ABC.
When we can just be honest in everything we do.
When we can just say that we are happy or not.
When we do not need to think so much even in a simple act.
How did they vanish? When did they vanish?
And made everything seem complicated.
When did someone no longer contact you becomes something that bothers you. Let me get it right. I'm still surviving, i can enjoy myself, i eat and sleep well, but I still think of it.
Did I do anything wrong?
Did I accidentally step on your tail?
I appreciate the friendship and the joy that came with it but what happened to it?
I can just simply say, I don't know and I don't care.
But deep inside. I care. I still do.
Perhaps I've been to used to having you around.
All I ask is to have our friendship back, is it too much?
Maybe it is just a reminder to me that promises are not to be taken into the heart. I can still hear the promise. But as much as I hope it will materialize, things are looking bleak and gloomy. Like how the sky looks like when it is going to rain.
People see me as a tough girl. My roomie said so to me too. I'm not. I wish I am. I wish that there are many many things that I can change. To make others happier, especially my family.
But I'm not God, therefore I cannot play God.
Sometimes I feel like saying it out. But now I feel like I'm so used to keeping things in me, I don't really know how to let them out. I want to trust people, but somehow the ones that I chose to trust seemed to be the wrong one. They just puff into thin air when I need them, most desperately.
I'm not being pessimistic here. I still believe in rainbow after a rain. I still believe in miracles. I believe in God having a plan for me.
But God gave me this brain, and I've probably mis-using it by over-thinking on unnecessary stuff.
This is just pure babbling, from a soul that feels empty tonight.
Sidenote, don't use the status quo as a reason. I hate that. And I miss the encouragement. Darn you for doing so much in the first place.