I'm supposed to be doing the tutorial questions for analytical chemistry. But here I am,tying away infront of the laptop. I wonder whether I'm doing something beneficial in the sense that I'm practising my writting skills. Or perhaps I'm procrastinating,in the sense that I know I should be working on those problems.
Deep down in my heart,I know which is it.
I just refuse to start working on those questions.
And apart from those questions,I still have plenty to do or should I say,plenty that I SHOULD do. To do and should do are two different things. "To do" seemed like I was forced to complete the task. "Should do" in my interpretation is when I tell myself a mission that I wish to accomplish and I will do so willingly.
Then again,I wonder if I'll ever do enough. I wonder whether what I do is all that I should do. I wonder if the things I did were done well enough. I wonder if all these while the things I did were done with all the capabilities I had. I wonder if I've pushed myself hard enough. Did I make use of all the gifts God showered upon me? When I meet God at the end of my life will I be able to say,"Thank you God,for I've used all the gifts blessed"?
I used to think that I'm tho only one who wonders about things like this. But as I grow older and wiser(I hope),I realized that I'm not alone. Everyone seems to have a thing or two in their mind. Some wished to get better results,some wished to be richer.
That's when I realise why the word balanced exist.
I realise that life will never go the way we want it to be. It doesn't matter how meticulous were one when they planned,it is just not meant to be so. Fault does not fall on anyone nor God. We were so unique that we will never be satisfied with what we have but continue to strive for more. Yet the most important things is not what is the result we obtained nor how much money we can earn. It is how happy we are as we walk the path of life.
Happiness is something we choose for ourselves. No one else can give you happiness nor can anyone steal happiness from you once you found it. Life has it's own pebbles and rocks but if one continue to be tough and walk down the road,you'll find what you want.
This still doesn't stop me from wondering about my capabilities.
And I'm tired of it.