Okay, it's two weeks to finals. Two short weeks. And I still have two more test 2 to sit for and two more quizzes to sit for before i sit for finals. And I'm not a super bright student, I struggle most of the time for my studies but my results have been pretty decent so far. I've been mumbling just to say that I should be studying for tests, quizzes and also prepare for finals and I SHOULD NOT be typing furiously here. ( That shows that I do feel guilty for my own lack of discipline), but I'm still typing here. Perhaps I shall have to make up to the time by staying up late for an extra half an hour tonight? Haha...
Hmm... I guess I'm a deep thinker. As much I try not to think, thoughts still pop out of nowhere. It can be when I'm showering, eating, watching a movie or before I sleep. I tell myself not to think so much as sometimes I never get an answer to it and thinking only make me feel more frustrated. And maybe I should channel more of my thoughts on my studies then I MIGHT do better in it. On the other hand, what if God blessed me with such an ability so I should be using it right?
I often think about humans' behaviors. I wonder why certain incidents happen. I ask myself why certain people did what they did. I try to assure myself the world is a good, peaceful place and I should not think badly of others. I tell myself that I was just being paranoid and that I should change myself.
For that one moment, I really think that I'm the bad character and I should think in another better, more positive way. For that one moment, I really think that humans are good and I should learn to trust them more.
Yet, time and time again, incidents happen and made me lose faith in others again. I try to convince myself that those are just once in a blue moon incidents. But they left scars in me and no matter how much I try to erase the feeling of hurt, I fail. Terribly. And I'm angry for not being able to protect myself from being hurt by others.
Some out there might think that I'm being stupid. Why think so much? Just go with the flow.
I try. I really try. And I don't want the day when I totally lose trust in others to come. I don't want a day when I seal myself with walls of bricks to come.
But what is the right way to handle the thoughts that came by my head? They are just passer-by yet they are very powerful once. Just one visit and they make a print there.
In my dream tonight, I hope that I get a thought that teaches me do live well and happy. =)